Life is so funny...everyday is a new experience..sometimes it can be extremely monotonous and sometimes it is in your face..sometimes life is going just according to your usual routine and suddenly something happens that just shakes ur routine..that makes u realise so many things in one day...Thats life!
Time and tide wait for none! My dad says this all this time and i usually look at him with a 'watever' kind of look...with a sense of arrogance wondering why does he think so..i had taken so many things and so many people for granted that the thought that nothing and noone is immortal never struck me..and even if it did i would push it to the back of my side....
Then the thought came to the forefront when i lost my grandfather the other day...on may the 2nd after a short struggle...a struggle to leave this world rather than a struggle for life..He was one of the most active men that i had ever come across always moving around..he was more or less like a nomad...especially after his wife's demise ten years ago....and i had taken it for granted that he would be there always...so when i saw him in the hospital the other day struggling i was shocked...i felt myself go numb with pain...i was in a haze...didnt exactly know what was happening..i mean he was fine wasnt he?how could this happen to him?these were some of the thoughts that went through my mind..
Then came the flashes..the flashes of my time spent with him...the way he used to call me Queen Sheeba...of his smile..of the way he used to eat junk..(yea can u believe it he used to eat junk food!), flashes of laughter, flashes of my foraging his store room for treasure...(his store room was a treasure house of books and pens and other interesting material!)..
And then came the regret...the regret that i didnt spend enough time with him..regret that he had to leave so early..the same regret that i felt ten years ago when my grandma died all of a sudden..the regret that i couldnt express my love for him...the regret that he never got to see me reach great heights like he always wished for his grandchildren..regret that he didnt see me get married...the regret that he didnt see my children...
And the regret lead to pain..seering pain in my heart..a pain that is so hard to explain in words..a pain that one feels when they lose someone so close to their heart...and i just wanted to scream..ask the God how is it that my prayers always remain unanswered...pain immense pain mixed with regret sadness and guilt...guilt becoz i just took him for granted! guilt coz i didnt give him the time that he would have so loved...guilt becoz i was just so caught up in my life......
All that i am left with is the pain of losing him...of losing both my maternal grandparents...of losing a generation of wisdom...of losing a reservoir of love...Thatha this blog is for u..this space is for u...to let u know how much i love u and how much ur absence will be felt...how ur death taught me an essential lesson in life...DONT TAKE ANYONE FOR GRANTED!
His death gave me strength....like i say every experience in life teaches u a lot..redefines the way u look at life..even this experience has redefined my way of looking at life......thats life redefined! Life redefined through Death!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 comments:
it is very touching paddu.....
thanks very much priyakka.......I am sure his soul must have been elated about his concerned grand daughter. We all pray for his happiness where ever he is.....physically or mentally.
thathagaru, we love u the most.
Hey bhavana thats exactly what krishna said too!thanks babes!
Thanks sandhya and somya...yea im sure thathagaru will be happy where hez..
Life moves on.. Don stop.. I know how much pain one goes through wen some one dear passes away.. But moving ahead in life with memories and their love will keep their souls happy.. In other sense i feel .. Life should move on.. As life is this short that people come and go, we shouldnt stop and stare that we stay there too long that we cant move further
losin someone to death or to put it differently...to eternity is always a mystery to me.
one moment there is life the next; only memories.
this ones the same...
it reminded me once more that i ve my Gps too.... who d love to hear from me...anytime.
thanks hon.
SAMVIDHA
u were lucky to spend ur time with ur grand father.
Heyyyy! Priya,
As sumone said, 'Yes, This too shall pass' and yes life hs 2 go on. See how life takes us thru? U knew him well. U loved him as well as any grandchild wud luv her grandpa.
But then, his death opened ur mind to sum thoughts u nvr had. Like u did not visualise a scene aftr, kadaa. Dats life.
Peopul go thru such situations once-in-a-while, a lllooonnnggg while I must say.
Am reminded of a poem by AK Ramanujam where he spks of how he discovered his dad all-of-a-sudden.
He spks of how a small obit in a Madrasi newspaper that-is-sold-exactly-by-the-dozen changed his outlook and how he realised dat he loved his dad all along.
It happens. It did, wid my nannamma and thatha too. But yes, one thing. Its not as if they are not there. They were there, they are there and will continue 2 do so until eternity, for us until v become history and for our little, loved ones and de future generations too.
God Bless You.
That's Pure from the heart...!
Share your grief (albeit belated)
Continue writing on this blog - for Life needs to be redefined for the World...!
Remember Swami Vivekananda: "Arise Awake and Stop Not till the Goal is Reached"
- For the New Generation Visionaries like you - the Goal is Infinity - Keep Blogging your heart out to make the World a Better Place!
Lots of Luv
Post a Comment