Time and Tide waits for none

Life is so funny...everyday is a new experience..sometimes it can be extremely monotonous and sometimes it is in your face..sometimes life is going just according to your usual routine and suddenly something happens that just shakes ur routine..that makes u realise so many things in one day...Thats life!

Time and tide wait for none! My dad says this all this time and i usually look at him with a 'watever' kind of look...with a sense of arrogance wondering why does he think so..i had taken so many things and so many people for granted that the thought that nothing and noone is immortal never struck me..and even if it did i would push it to the back of my side....

Then the thought came to the forefront when i lost my grandfather the other day...on may the 2nd after a short struggle...a struggle to leave this world rather than a struggle for life..He was one of the most active men that i had ever come across always moving around..he was more or less like a nomad...especially after his wife's demise ten years ago....and i had taken it for granted that he would be there always...so when i saw him in the hospital the other day struggling i was shocked...i felt myself go numb with pain...i was in a haze...didnt exactly know what was happening..i mean he was fine wasnt he?how could this happen to him?these were some of the thoughts that went through my mind..
Then came the flashes..the flashes of my time spent with him...the way he used to call me Queen Sheeba...of his smile..of the way he used to eat junk..(yea can u believe it he used to eat junk food!), flashes of laughter, flashes of my foraging his store room for treasure...(his store room was a treasure house of books and pens and other interesting material!)..

And then came the regret...the regret that i didnt spend enough time with him..regret that he had to leave so early..the same regret that i felt ten years ago when my grandma died all of a sudden..the regret that i couldnt express my love for him...the regret that he never got to see me reach great heights like he always wished for his grandchildren..regret that he didnt see me get married...the regret that he didnt see my children...

And the regret lead to pain..seering pain in my heart..a pain that is so hard to explain in words..a pain that one feels when they lose someone so close to their heart...and i just wanted to scream..ask the God how is it that my prayers always remain unanswered...pain immense pain mixed with regret sadness and guilt...guilt becoz i just took him for granted! guilt coz i didnt give him the time that he would have so loved...guilt becoz i was just so caught up in my life......

All that i am left with is the pain of losing him...of losing both my maternal grandparents...of losing a generation of wisdom...of losing a reservoir of love...Thatha this blog is for u..this space is for u...to let u know how much i love u and how much ur absence will be felt...how ur death taught me an essential lesson in life...DONT TAKE ANYONE FOR GRANTED!

His death gave me strength....like i say every experience in life teaches u a lot..redefines the way u look at life..even this experience has redefined my way of looking at life......thats life redefined! Life redefined through Death!